There's many a strange impulse out on the plains of West Texas;
There's many a young boy who feels things he can't comprehend.
Well small town don't like it when somebody falls between sexes,
No, small town don't like it when a cowboy has feelings for men.
of being a man
(“Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other”)


 I knocked on the door and waited. It was boilin’ hot outside, I wasn't sure I could stand it any longer. Thank god, somebody opened. 
“The hell are you?” asked the man standing in front of me.”You lost, kid?”
“I ain’t lost, sir. Just looking for a job.” it was the hundredth time i said it this week, it became almost embarrassing. “I can cook and clean just fine, sew also.” 
The man hesitated for a bit. “Doing just fine by myself, I'm afraid.” Said and attempted to close the door. 
“My folks lost their ranch half a year ago, sister has a baby on the way, i gotta get that money” god that must’ve been so pathetic. It worked though, the man looked at me again even if slightly annoyed. 
“You can ride a horse?” I nodded eagerly “Good, I gotta get this cattle to Centerville  this month. I already got another boy for this but it’s a two man job”
“I ain’t no man though, sir ” I was standing in front of him in my simple dress and two braids, “two man job” sounded… ridiculous.
“Will do” he said “you wanna this job or not”. I wanted, no, needed it.
“Wait here” he said and disappeared inside the house, coming back a minute later with a package[a] in his hands and slammed it into my hands. “Change outta whatever this is. It ain’t suitable for no work. You gotta half an hour, I got the other boy here, this bastard is prolly fishing again, and y’all can take the cows to Centerville. You get fifteen dollars each for the gig. They will pay you there, no worries.”
 I was confused about what just happened, but man’s work must’ve meant man’s money and I could work with that. I went to a barn to get changed, it was some jeans, flannel, jacket and hat he gave me. All of these were most likely older than me, nevertheless surely better for whatever was ahead of me than this damn dress. 
 I put out a cigarette and stood up from the stairs, as I saw two men approaching. They were arguing, though I couldn't figure out what it was about. The younger one, who couldn't have been older than twenty, gave me a silent nod. He was slightly shorter than the other one, even with his unruly hair giving him around an extra inch.  One whom I assumed to be the owner of the ranch led me to a stable. “This one is yours for the time being”. It was a beautiful brown horse. I hadn’t ridden in ages, good thing my pa had told me how to, when we still had some of them. In the saddlebag I put the little belongings I had: blanket this man gave me, comb, a few packs of Lucky Strikes, matches,this dress I honestly wanted to leave in the barn, change of underwear and a spare shirt. The six gun my pa gave me as a condition to travel on my own remained on my belt, where I could easily reach it.
We headed out of the ranch with this guy, who hasn't spoken a word to me since we met. We were just riding along the cattle in complete silence. I wondered whether I had upset him, but it couldn’t be it, I didn't even have time for that. The ranch disappeared from our view, now it was only prairie around us, the same bland landscape no matter which way one looked. It was way too hot to ride that long, my scalp and neck, under all these hair, were drowning in sweat. The shirt was sticking to my back, and worst of all the sun was in front of us all the time. When it started to get dark, we set up what I could generously call a camp. Two mats and a fire in the middle. Both sat close to it, ate some crackers and dried beef. When I took the cigarettes out of my pocket though, my comrade’s eyes lightened. 
“Mind a trade?” were the first words I heard from him. He reached his hand out, offering whatever he was drinking. I gave him one of the cigs and took a sip of what turned out to be whiskey. We sat in silence for several more minutes.
“What do they call you?” I sparked a conversation.
“Andrew, you?” I looked at him for a moment deciding whether his name fit his face, which was a habit of mine. It did.
 “Susan” I said.
 “Bullshit”  I was confused about what he meant by that. “You ain’t gonna tell me a cowboy has some girl name” As he said it I realized i didn’t like it much myself. But I didn't have no other name.
“You came from the east, right? It’ll be East then, easy to call.” I couldn’t argue with that logic. 
We both fell asleep almost imidentally, I figured he was just as tired as I was, so maybe i wasn’t falling behind that badly. “East” I muttered as I was drifting off, enjoying the way it rolled out of my lips. 
“Get up already, god damn, East” a punch on my arm woke me up. 
“What…” I looked around confused, kinda like when you spent the night at somebody’s house and wondered why you aren't in your bed. My muscles felt sore, and I was sure it wasn’t going to change anytime soon.
“Hurry, coffee is ready”
The day passed mostly in silence, all conversations limited to technicalities: filling tanks with water, catching unruly cows, setting campfires.  And our little barter. We travelled this way for a few more. The fourth day though was particularly hot, so around noon we decided to catch some break. We sat under a lone tree, in the little shadow it gave. Even cigarettes seemed disgusting in such heat. It was the third time I tried to put my hair under a hat in such a way it wouldn't slip out and stick to my neck, and for the third time it did. 
“The hell you’re doing” asked Andrew.
“Getting this bitch ass hair to behave, don’t you see” I got frustrated.
“I ain’t blind.” he hushed “Here” he handed me scissors he got from his bag.
“You suggesting something or…”
“Of course I am. Cut them off and stop crying” I looked at him confused, even though he made himself more than clear. 
“I can’t, my ma will kill me”
“Your ma ain’t here” he said but didn’t insist any further. Just slipped the hat on his face and started to nod off.
“Wait” I said as if he was going anywhere. “Can you do it?”
It was purely pragmatic. I just didn’t want them in my eyes all the time.  He took the scissors from me, but for a short moment we both were holding them from two different sides, as if I didn't want to let go of them. 
“Turn around” commended Andrew. 
I sat in front of him in anticipation, which, as I think of it now, couldn't be fully explained by my annoyance with strands of hair getting everywhere. Just like that, my braids fell to the ground. I wanted to stand up, but Andrew just kept going, cutting off strain after strain. I didn’t stop him.
“Done” He said. 
“Thanks.” I ran fingers through my hair, now barely even touching my ears, it felt stiffer than earlier. Must’ve been real uneven, but I didn't care, I wouldn’t see myself for another week  or so anyway. 
When it cooled off a bit we got back to riding. Me on the left, Andrew on the right of the herd. He nodded at me from a distance, then approached me. 
“Town’s in a few miles. We're gonna stop there. You buyin’ anything?”
“Besides food? Cigs. You?”
“Whisky.” he smirked. 
Of course, he could buy some cigarettes himself, the same goes for whiskey for me.But these few words established our deal as a gesture, not necessity.
The town appeared on the horizon. The small shape of it got more and more detailed as we approached, finally reaching the main road. We left the cattle a mile or so away. 
“Saloon?” I asked. Andrew  nodded. 
“What for you, fellas?” The bartender asked as we approached the counter.
“Two… No, four shots of gin.” Andrew said confidently. “On me” he said as he saw me reaching for my pocket. We got to the table and, now that we faced each other, for the first time in days the silence felt uncomfortable. Wacky piano noises in the background didn’t help much.
“Where’d you come from, Andrew?” I asked just to ask, instantly regretting being maybe too intrusive. To my surprise he didn’t brush it off, but actually answered.
“Been working on that farm since I was fourteen. Lived with my aunt before. She went blind and died though. No, don't be sorry she was a horrible person, anyway…” he took a shot “But Butch” he saw my confusion “the man runnin’ the ranch, he’s an honest man. Not his cows though, just passing through.” 
My gaze stayed on the glass, as I was swirling the liquid inside of it. 
“You?” he asked.
“We had a ranch, that’s where I got some knack for all this, pa lost it to debt half a year ago and my stupid sister got knocked up, god knows by whom. I've been workin’ here and there, sewin’, cleanin’ all this shit ever since. Never drivin’ cattle though.” I told this story hundreds of times, mostly with more proper words while trying to work a week or two around some house. Couldn’t stay longer at none of them. Something had always driven me back to hittin’ the road, so I spent more time looking for a job than actually holding it. 
“Sucks”. I was happy he didn’t force an elaborate response. I drank my first shot, and flinched. Andrew exhaled with a smirk. 
“What’s so funny.” I rolled my eyes.He pointed at the counter with his chin. 
“East, you enjoyed this didn’t you?” I was almost sure what he meant by this, but waited in case I was mistaken.
”Being called a fella.” he clarified. 
“Didn’t mind”. I loved it. Fuck.
“Sure, buddy” 
We finished our drinks and went out to the main street again. I felt the gin going to my head, just a bit, but noticeably. Of course it did, I must've been at least thirty pounds lighter than Andrew, I eyeballed it while we were walking to the store. We bought some necessities; bread, beef jerky, beans, and some dried apples. I got some cigs, then some more, after a bit of thought. Andrew did the same with booze.
We sat on some fence, smoking and dreading the moment we would get back into our saddles.
“Gimme another one” said Andrew, his politeness coming from the tone not words. He finished his cigarette when I was halfway through mine. Matches were cheap as dirt, but both I and him came from places where it’d be a sin to not eat a fallen bread crumb or to throw out an empty bottle. I gave him one fresh cig, ashed mine, held out my hand with a lucky strike, and pointed it towards him. He bent to reach it and took a drag to lighten his, looking rather silly doing it. While his cigarette was still catching fire from mine, he looked up at me, as if upset I dared to smirk at his awkward position. What was he expecting me to do, keep a cigarette still in my mouth, so that it would be at the level of his face? 
After chain smoking for another quarter or so, we got up to our horses. It was already afternoon, but we still managed to push the cattle several miles forward, before it got completely dark. I had expected to get this urge to run away, leave this big responsibility behind by now, but nothing like that even went through my mind. In setting up the same campfire, in the same landscape, eating the same supper there was peace, not boredom. 

The morning was nothing like the previous ones, chilly and foggy. It was almost unbelievable how it could change there overnight. This made us more eager to work ourselves warm. We rode barely a few meters apart, enjoying eachothers silent company, though it wasn't the most reasonable way to lead the cattle. Then it started to rain, for the first time in weeks I reckon. 
“Ain’t no way it's gonna light up” said Andrew, and after half an hour we decided to give up on a warm lunch. I walked to my horse to take crackers out of the saddlebag. I looked at the cows in the distance laying huddled together in the cold. Must’ve worked real well. I buttoned my jacket all the way, turned up the collar and went back to our failed fireplace.
In the evening, tired and cold, though neither of us would admit it, we found some wood dry enough it could catch a fire.
“Long day, wasn’t it, cowboy?” Andrew asked. I didn’t answer, but he didn’t expect me to. He took a sip from his bottle, and without me asking, pointed it towards me. I did the same with a pack of Lucky Strikes. Over the course of the evening we repeated this rotation several times.
“I ain’t never though imma get out there” I was already boozed up, but so was Andrew. He made up for his tolerance with the amount of whiskey he poured down his throat. 
“You seem as the type to be shit at this whole maid thing, you ain’t no rag baby”
“You ain’t fucking wrong, my boy” I laughed as if it was the most hilarious thing in the world. ”Dirty mouth for a gal, ain’t it?”
“I don’t see no gal here.” He pretended to look around, in search of said girl. “You ain’t foolin’ no one” Andrew said drunkenly, swinging his hand in a big, negating gesture.
“Ha! Left her in your man’s barn. A cowboy gotta do what he gotta do. What do you wanna do with all that sweet money we gettin after all that?” 
Andrew hesitated for a while, but then a big smile appeared on his face. “Half imma spend on saloon ladies and getting wasted as a god damn log” He stopped as if not sure how many halves he had left.”The rest I will take back to Butch. He gonna beat me up for it, for sure, but he ain’t one to hold a grudge. You, bud?”
“I will…” I stopped the sentence halfway, not seeing nothin’ after we’ll be done with the job. “I will be just fine”
 Andrew passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow, lucky bastard, but I stared at the stars in an attempt to form any coherent sentence in my muddy mind. “I can’t go back”. “I can’t not go back”.
I finally fell asleep.
Andrew has always woken up before me, but not that day, which left me confused as to what to do. For a moment I just sat there, glad it was no longer as cold as the previous day, looking at Andrew's face, still rough despite the peace of his countenance. Was he ever looking at me during his early mornings? “That’s weird” I mumbled to myself and went to boil water for coffee, since I figured that’s what one is supposed to do. 
“Should’ve woken me up” I heard a mumble.
“Didn’t know you wouldn’t be upset” I said without turning.
“So what if I was? Man up already” said Andrew, still lying on his side, but he sat straight when I brought him a cup of coffee. “Thanks” 
Nothing extraordinary happened on the prairie that day, as it is in such places. We passed the next town and besides retail I got myself some cotton shorts and a new shirt, just for the trip, in case something happened to my spare one which didn’t fit me that well anyways. On our way out we found a stray chicken and took care of it at a campfire, in a safe distance of eight miles. This day we managed not to go overboard with booze. I was afraid of what else I could say in this funny state of mind. Though we started to kill time with meaningless chatting some time earlier, we didn’t talk about my words from the previous night, but Andrew had to remember. His pats on the back became stronger, pace of drive got turned up and he started cussin’ in every second sentence. It felt right. 
In the morning I was lying awake with closed eyes, trying to recall the dream I had that night, one of those leaving you in some unspoken sense of yearning. Andrew was already awake, walking around the camp, rolling things up. Then the noises stopped and it kept being silent for some more minutes. Andrew sitting at the feet of my mat with his knees pressed to his chest was a blurry picture I recall from this state, though I'm not sure whether it really happened, as I nodded off again and woke up to him boiling water. 
“Lazy bastard” he said as I rubbed my eyes and the strange vision started to escape my mind. He didn’t wake me up though.
After some time since we got to riding that day, one of the cows started falling behind the herd, at first periodically catching up with the rest, to end up many yards behind the last one eventually. Andrew nodded to me from across the herd, and we both rode up to the lagging cow. While from afar it was just slow, at a closer glance the limp became obvious.
“Gotta see it up close” I shouted to Andrew, who was still pretty far away. 
“Get the rope ready!” He shouted back. Catching cattle was one thing, fairly simple, though not exactly easy. Getting a beast to lay on its side, to examine what’s going on was much more hustle. “Two man’s job” as would Butch say. 
We approached the animal calmly so as to not scare it off. I caught it on lasso by the neck, which was the easier part. The cow started jumping and kicking, though screaming out in terror and pain. It was paradoxically making Andrew's job easier, even if bonding its back legs in flight still seemed to me like some black magic. After some struggle we got it to lay on the ground. I held its head trying to calm the animal down, while Andrew was inspecting its limb.
“Shit” he mumbled.
“What is it.” I urged him over the cow’s heavy breathing.
“Sprained at least. With God’s help we can get there in five days.”
“And if there ain’t no God?”
“Then a week or so. Gotta put the poor thing down”
Shit. How much could a cow cost? Two years ago it was twenty five bucks, over double of what I'd get for drivin’ them to the goddamn [...]. The leg didn’t look that bad, they could still treat it if we got it to the other ranch.
“It’ll manage ” I said with more conviction than I felt. Andrew looked at me in disbelief.
“It won’t you fucking imbecile.You heard those cries” I did and they still were ringing in my ears for weeks after that.
“You have a clue how much this here mess is gonna cost us, if they bother payin’ us at all?” I burst out. There was a moment of silence.
“Oh. So that’s what it’s all about. Money. Mighty fine. Giving no fucks about ‘em animal’s hurtin’” He said through clenched teeth. 
“Yeah, no shit. I care ‘bout money. I ain’t gonna just throw cash at them whores and booze. Got mouths to feed, y’know?” I matched his tone, pushing through his razor sharp stare.
He showed his teeth in a vicious smile.
“Ain’t it a shame yo daddy ain’t thinkin none of this, gambling y’all ranch away?“ 
My fist bashed into his cheekbone. Grabbed that dumbfounded man and knocked to the ground, fallin’ with him. Ain’t had no plan, just pure rage. Held him tight as he struggled to get on top, my elbow in his ribs all the time. We rolled in dirt, world spinnin’ around us. My back on ground, knee in my stomach then again pinnin’ him to the down with all my might. Andrew thrust his hips up, threw me off balance. My elbow giving up, I fell face first into dust. He threw me on my back, there was some rock diggin’ into me as I turned and twisted and kicked into air. Andrew’s mass held me down, one of his hands pinning mine above my head. He was bent over me, forearm on my neck, bone in my flesh, world spinning, seein’ them stars. Andrew’s face a few inches from mine.  Eyes locked. Breathing heavily. 
Release. He rolled to the side and I swear I heard him letting out a sob as he did it. I was coughing my lungs out, till I no longer felt like dying. And then I lay down still, and so was he right beside me. Pain hit me like a train, my ribs bruised, earlobe torn and the taste of blood in my mouth. None of the teeth missing. I sighed with relief. Andrew also needed to pull himself together after the whole thing, so we were laying with neither word nor movement, even when it started drizzling. 
“We still gotta kill it” Andrew almost whispered after an hour or so had passed. He waited for my reaction, whether I would respond in any way or put up another fight, though he soon understood the previous one was about pride not disagreement. But I just lay there quiet, letting the raindrops rinse my face from blood and dust. 
“We will say it was the coyotes who did it,” he continued. “Such things happen around here all the time”
“Alright” Not that i bought this plan, i ain’t no fool to think they wouldn’t take a chance to screw over some kids for whatever they can leach onto. I pulled myself up and sat with crossed legs facing Andrew.  I had no energy to argue. Besides, I seen the poor thing, it was limping around with a rope around its neck, the other being lost somewhere in the grass. I was for sure not hurting half as bad as this animal, but the perspective of even standing up sounded dreadful. 
Andrew looked at me still laying on the grass. His face was swollen, he would get black eye the next day for sure.
“I went too far, bringin’ your pa to this” He didn’t avert his gaze as people tend to do in their apologies. I wasn’t sure it was one but the recognition was enough.
Turned out neither of us was too eager to be one ending the animal’s life. We decided to toss a coin and I was the one to bet on losing tails. We brought the cow to the ground. I held my six gun’s barrel to its forehead, finger wandering around the trigger.
“You ain’t gonna do it if you keep staring in those eyes” Andrew scolded me. I had some snarky comment brewing in my mind, but decided to bite my tongue. I jerked my head to the side, squeezed my eyes shut and pulled the trigger. Cattle only pointed their heads towards the bang, but soon returned to chewing grass. 
Even though it was only early afternoon, we didn’t get back to driving the cattle that day. 
“East, come here” I heard as I was sitting against a tree, sharpening some stick.
“What.” I shouted back, unwilling to do any big motions., even though it stopped raining and there was  no need to hide under its branches. Andrew gave up, come and squatted beside me. 
“You got any cloth?”
“The hell i’d have a cloth for” i responded. “Wait, I may actually.” I said after a moment. I reached my hand out and he pulled me up. At this point it was obvious i was the one to have gotten more fucked up; I played stupid games and there the prizes were. I went to my saddlebag and pulled out some material and a knife, but hesitated before finally cutting it off. “Here you go,” I said, handing it to Andrew. This dress was no use here anyways. 
Andrew poured some whisky from his flask on it and pressed it to his elbow. Just then I realized how completely peeled off his skin was. 
“Sorry” I muttered.
“Happens” He shrugged his shoulders and soaked the cloth a bit more. “Stand still” He said as he tilted my chin up, held it that way and put the fabric to my face. It burned like hell, but that meant there was a lot of meat to clean up. Besides, he clearly tried to be gentle with it, maybe to make up for swabbing it longer than necessary.
The campfire again has marked the end of the day. We were laying under our blankets, staring at the stars, counterintuitively sober, for the first time in days.
“We good?” I asked over the dying fire.
“Guess so, we’re stuck together for some time regardless” He let out a subtle laugh. “You’re tough as nails, ain’t you, partner? You been some real struggle”
I always thought compliments didn't work on me, turned out I never got none about the right things.
The incidents of that day didn’t set us apart; if anything they only made us closer, sharing vulnerable moments in what seemed to be the only possible way. When you had shoved each other into dirt, casual touch, messing the other one’s hair, or resting your head on a shoulder while sharing a flask of whisky, didn’t seem like this big thing anymore. For some time after, I felt each of the horses' steps somewhere in my body; though it was nothing compared with the consciousness of eventual return building up with each passing day.  And thus I grew quiet as we approached our destination. I was too consumed by these worries to keep conversation without turning it to them, and then immediately abandoning it. I don’t think Andrew knew what was on my mind, but he didn’t push for answers, finding new ways to pass the time. Besides our usual drinking and smoking, he would make up stories while we were riding, we would race our horses to the next tree and wrestle, this time with no ill intent, beside the campfire when the sun fell down. 
One day a lake appeared on the horizon. It was a bit out of the way, but after only a silent nod we changed direction. The trees growing around it were more alive than anything i’ve seen in weeks, the grass had this hue that makes you instantly feel at ease with the world. There was a narrow strip of sand on the shore but we opted for the fallen tree to sit on. We were looking into the distance, skipping stones, seeing who could get more bounces out of them, Andrew failing miserably. 
“Stupid fucking game” He muttered with a smirk and jumped off a log. He threw his shirt and pants to the ground and ran off into the water. “You comin’?”
“Yeah.” I took my levi’s off and walked knees deep into the lake, which was colder than I expected it to be.
“You kiddin’ me, ain't you” Andrew laughed at me. “That’s no fun” 
He dunked himself in water, then shook it off his overgrown hair like a dog, waiting for me to join him. 
“East, “ he went serious for a moment, “No one cares about your tits.” 
I was surprised by his bluntness, though glad he didn’t beat around the bush with it. I dropped my flannel into sand and rushed into the lake just in my checked shorts. I was not looking down, but neither did he. I approached him, gradually immersing myself, which only made me colder. I splashed Andrew with water, but instead of responding with the same, he caught me by the shoulders and pulled me underwater. Held me for a moment as I struggled against his force, until he let me go. I was about to burst out at him, but then I realized this strange baptism made the coolness of the water feel more natural. Then we were wrestling in the water and swimming, and swinging into the lake on a rope I had hooked up to a tree, well into the afternoon,till we were both shivering and our lips turned blue. 
It got gray and colder, we were both sitting next to a campfire wrapped in our blankets, at first not to put clothes over wet skin, then to avoid coming out from under warm fabric. We sat close to each other to share a flask of whiskey, warmin’ ourselves from inside out. It worked extraordinarily well, but still despite the bottle emptying the outside started falling into a cold and dry prairie night. 
“Gotta… uhh go to sleep” said Andrew lifting head from my shoulder. He tried to stand up to grab clothes, which were still scattered somewhere in the grass, but staggered, tripping to the ground. I started laughing hysterically, but got to my feet to help him get up. I stretched out my hand to him, but fell over as soon as he grabbed it.
“Fucking drunkard” i shouted at him inarticulate and we both cracked up like never before, trying to stand up, pulling one another to the ground over and over again.
“It’s real cold” I mumbled finally as I gathered myself and went to look out of our clothes, but it was too gray to see anything. Andrew managed to drag himself to the mat and lay there. I wrapped myself back in a blanket and did the same, but he started pulling on it, half conscious. We dragged it back and forth until we were both too tired, we ended up just sharing it, it was warmer like this anyways.
I woke up with a ringing headache, carefully lifted my arm off Andrew’s shoulder and slipped the other one from underneath him, glad it wasn’t the other way around. I got out from under a blanket and, still confused, searched for the clothes that turned out to have laid right beside our camp the whole time.
Andrew woke up when I was boiling water for our morning coffee. As soon as he sat up I threw the clothes at him.
“Have some decency!” I laughed as he, completely flabbergasted, pulled the blanket up to his collarbones. 
“The hell…” He mumbled as he was figuring out what exactly had happened. 
During the breakfast we laughed it all off, which looking back was a way better solution than actin' like nothin' ever went down. If we went about it any other way the three days that remained of our gig would’ve turned out rather awkward. We got our pay when the boy taking care of receiving cattle messed up on counting them animals, so we were far gone when they eventually figured out the missin’ cow. 
The return journey took us way less time, even though we messed around saloons and slept in a lot more, with Andrew spending his money just as he promised.  We got to the Butch’s ranch just before noon and came up to his door. Andrew was standing there with a clenched jaw and shaking hands until he worked up the courage to knock. We heard the steps approaching and then the door opened. 
“Mornin’ fellas” Butch looked at me funny. 
“Good morning sir” I responded, but Andrew just looked away and handed his remaining seven dollars to Butch.
“We gotta have a talk, boy. Don’t we?” Butch looked at him with disappointment. “Now though, go help your friend with a horse.”
We took the no longer mine horse to the stable. I realized how much I was gonna miss it. I emptied the saddlebags and there we were, I and Andrew facing each other, not really sure what to say. 
“What you gonna do now?” he asked.
“Dunno, get back with my folks, cause what else there is?”
“Will miss you, man. Hope our paths cross someday though” it was too dark for me to see tether his eyes were actually watering or if I was mistaken.
“For sure they will” I said with forced nonchalance, then went for a friendly hug. 
The embrace dragged on neither of us willing to let go of another, getting so tight, it was almost violent. It could be third or so of the Butch’s calls when we pulled out of it, though still holding collars of each other’s shirts until they were no longer in our reach and locking eyes, until Andrew turned away and disappeared into the light of the stable’s door.



 It was an early morning, couldn't be later than an hour after sunrise. Cassidy was lying awake, not sure whether it was a knock on the door that had woken her up, or some other noise. It didn’t happen again in the next few minutes, but she grew sure that it couldn’t have been anything else. She got from under her covers, nausea hitting her instantly, as it happened every day over the last few months. She leaned against the beam to catch her breath, then continued to walk towards the door, carefully so as not to wake up her siblings or parents sleeping all around the room. After avoiding all the cracking planks she held her breath as she pushed the handle. The door let out a cry, so she opened it just enough to squeeze through its opening. There was a small package, weighed down with a rock, laying on their porch. Not without a struggle she bent over and picked it up, unsure whether to open it or wait for her father to have woken up. Her curiosity got the better of her and she pulled the string holding it together, to find several bills inside, all adding up to eighteen dollars. Cassidy looked around in search of a person who had left it there and noticed a person in the distance, walking away down the road. She started to move towards him, as fast as she could, but it was not long before she got completely winded up. 
“Hey, you!” She shouted after catching her breath. The man flinched and stood still for a moment before briefly turning his head. Cassidy squinted her eyes but the stranger’s face was hidden in the shadow of the hat’s brim. He tipped it to her, before heading back towards the west. 
[a].